I intended to post this last night.. I am so excited, but today works better because I can post follow up too!

Last night Nadi went right up to bed, walked up the stairs with me and the boys, we put the little boys to bed together, ( easier and faster) then went to our room to bed down. Usually there is a bit of a fuss, esp. around the diaper change. No fuss, but, it was a smoother transition for her, usually I dont give her enough time I think maybe. Anyway, after we had our milk, and read our book 2 times, as usual, and sang baa baa black sheep a few times ( her new favorite)  I told her it was time to close our eyes and sleep. Normally she will wiggle and move a lot, and q few times of popping up and talking. Well last night she tried a few times, I kept saying, lets close our eyes and go to sleep. I was having some severe intestinal pain and it showed on my face, she reached up and said 'sorry mama', and put her hand on my face, the other hand on my arm, and then continuted to maintain good, solid eye contact for a full 5 min. at least, she started to fall asleep this way! But finally she yawned and sucked her thumb and fell asleep but not without looking up at my eyes and smiling a few times first. I was in  shock/ awe. What a blessing!!! Well she normally sleeps 12 hours straight through, last night twice she woke up a bit fussy, first time I wasnt in the room , second I was and she was like MOMMY! And reached for me and fell asleep with my arms around her. 

So this morning she wakes up earlier and calmer. She plays with her dolly and kisses her. She comes into the bathroom with me with no fit ( this is her normal morning, even though from day one I bring her with me into the bathroom to get ready, she still, until today, throws a fit because she'd rather go play) and has asked me to pick her up, she wraps her arms around me and kisses me. She is affectinate and calm. Im amazed. We have had calmer days before, but this is different so far. Also most of our days compared to day one is 80% calmer but this day is like 100%. ( and that 20% is noticeable lol) 

In addition, and maybe unrelated, she took her diaper off, and peed on the toilet, which is not new, she's done that a lot but then the rest of the day she either makes a mess ( if I leave the diaper off) or I just put a diaper on and she uses it. No more mention of the toilet. Today she was in the bathroom an hour or so after we got downstairs and I went to see what she was doing, and she had taken her outfit down ( one piece outfit) and gone POOP on the toilet ALL BY HER SELF!!!!!!!!!! whoo hoo

Heres to love

kellie

I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ. ~ Mahatma Ghandi ...something to think about

someone quoted this on Facebook today. It really really is true. And sad in most instances. Myself included.

A few random ideas and thoughts

www.hillbillyhousewife.com provided me with my fix for a wendy's frosty, which I turned into a twisted coffee toffee frosty, made with coffee and toffee chips. MAN it was good at 1/4 the calories, but still WAY more sugar than my body is used to and Im really not feeling well now! but eaten in moderation and with a protein meal I know it would have been better. It was super super yummy I figured it would just 'do' in place of a 'real' one, but it was better!

I wish I could attend Heather Forbes training in Aug, with Dr Federici, www.aweekendofsolutions.com but I cannot as we will be in WI at the time.. but it looks WONDERFUL. I want Dr Federici's book now hehe. 

We went to the park today, and yesterday too.. managed to remain poop free today! Yesterday was a hoot, N went behind a tree and when I went to see what she was up to she had found fresh poop ( not her own) and rubbed it all over herself, her clothing, and MY dog! I stayed fairly regulated though and cleaned her up. Im thinking of some kind of visual containment.. Im thinking like heavy rubber balls ( with flat bottoms?)  or something, with flags stuck in them, then placed around the area I want her to stay in... what do ya'll think? I think this would help not only her have clear boundaries for my sake, but also for her self, maybe it would help her feel safer, and less scattered? But I haven't figured out what to make the balls out of yet.  I think this would help on vacation too, in strange places. thoughts?

I was happy today, N saw 2 boys at the park, and asked me, 'Strangers?" I said yes! I dont think she knows what strangers means, but at least she's getting the idea that they are not our family, or someone to run to.. and she didn't!!  

I know she needs more time with me physically, but doesn't really WANT to be held all the time, or cuddled, she's a busy 4 year old. So I'm trying to figure that out, how to give her what she NEEDS without making her MAD, and thereby missing the point of producing calmness... I know there was more I wanted to run out here on my blog I keep thinking of it and it helps to journal it and kinda help it become real, but its like Im having a hard time finding time to do it, and when I have time I'd rather STOP THINKING! hehe.. but its a process!

More later, maybe :-)

Kellie

We had a good day. Hung out, stayed regulated, Nadi had fun playing with my newest idea.. trays with shaving cream on them. What FUN stuff. She played for a long time, J and Z did too.. great sensory integration stuff. I then made playdough and she really loved that, most of the children did! N really took to it though and squeezed and got some big emotions out on the dough it was great! Then I took 2 of the girls who wanted to go, to the service that a Reno church has on Sunday nights called Living Stones. It is amazing.

Another site I want to recommend is www.gentlechristianmothers.com 

I am super excited.. I will be able to attend Eric Guy's level one training on attachment in 2+ weeks. I didnt know he was going to be in the 'area' until another BCLC mom told me, so Im hoping to see her there.. if anyone is interested the information is on www.centerforvictory.com its a 2 day training in San Fransisco. Its at the Courtyard Hotel which Im excited about because its the very same one Rick and I stayed at last year when we attended the BCI certified instructors training in San Fran. The first time we met Eric. So I know how to get there and that its a NICE hotel, and not too pricey actually I'll get it for only 10.00 more than a motel 6. SO worth it and to be in the same place as the training is always nice. And its walking distance to restaurants.  Im so excited to be exposed to the information again, and just learn learn learn. Each time I learn more I feel I become more able to stay regulated. I want to take a few online/ telephone classes asap. 

I want to again recommend www.aolff.com and her book,'Biblical Parenting' I wish with all my heart I could buy about 5 copies.. maybe I can someday soon. I want one for my sis, for another friend, and a few to keep handy to loan out.  I also love the website I mentioned in a previous post get off your butt parenting. the link on the right hand side GOYBP is a good article about what we CAN do instead! 

I did exercise today, only 20 min on the trampoline though. Had to have my little ones sitting in chairs they were calm though, it wasnt a punishment, just a place t stay until mommy was done.. prior to that we were melting down, and pushing and shoving. Overwhelm is something N deals with constantly. I am really praising Yahweh for His GRACE ( as we should extend to our children) of allowing me to see my children's behavior in a different light. Not as behavior, not as little 'suckers' ( a quote from a 'christian' parenting book I recently read/ heard on a radio program) or manipulative brats trying to get me, but rather as a communication of a need, an unmet need. I am responsible to meet those needs. So I keep trying. I've had some ideas over the past few days I hope to implement soon I'll post when I can sort my thoughts enough to do so. 

Our trip East's plans changed a bit we are going to travel the northern route to GA rather than southern as thought, Rick thinks it will be safer and I think its more 'known' so less stressful for me. So this way we can stop at our place in MO and get our life jackets, I have no idea why we left them there! lol

Okay off to bed.. 

May we all rest in His MIGHTY hands, we can trust that no matter what is happening from screaming dysregulated children, to lack of money, HE has our best interests at heart... I will choose to Trust Him. I will choose to Trust Him...

kellie

Just gotta pop on real quick and post a fabulous site I found!!

www.goybparenting.com ( get off your butt parenting lol)  Its amazing!!

having an elderly couple I've never met over for dinner, thanks to my 12 year old son. 

Kellie

Phew...

So now that I know that I'm safe here, I've had a really hard day. I KNOW how often I fail. Like I can stand outside myself and see myself ranting or yelling or coming unglued, but can't seem to stop. I feel like I am 'justified' in what I'm saying. But I know I'm not being loving or present with my children. Mostly the oldest ones. Maybe I just am struggling with their coming of age? Seems like everything I've been reading and learning lately comes together, the power of positive thinking, or the results of negative thoughts, how our own pasts/ sets of neg thoughts affect our present, and we create our own issues by our words and thoughts, passing them on to our children. I see it so clearly but feel like I dont have enough time to sort the thoughts, and be in them, so that I can  figure out how to use them to better my actual day life. I feel like these days I start out well, I say positive Scripture affirmations, and till about lunch or mid day Im okay then I unravel. I am unsure if its cuz Im not spending enough time in conversation with the Father, or if my blood sugars goofed up at that point, or both.. or my window of stress tolerance just closes. 

N is  tiring. I love her with my whole heart and can honestly say I do not regret adopting her. But at the end of the day Im totally wiped. Like SO wiped. And its not fair to the other children. The other times its so hard is when I've told her for the 400th time ( Don't think I'm exaggerating)  NOT to go upstairs.. and up she goes, plywood, 40 dollar gates, chain link gates.. not one thing keeps her out or even slows her down. There are kittens up there and considering shes hurt one in the past we must keep them safe from her so its a FULL time job just to keep her downstairs. So when I finally bring her down AGAIN and even one more thing happens, I loose it. Not like I used to a long time ago, I am much more able to see my ugly self and control it. But I know its not right even the ranting that I do. I know I cannot control me on my own, the Holy Spirit is the only one, in me, who can do that. I just can't seem to get to the point of giving it totally over to Him.  

I feel so grateful though for the information I have, I read and read and read, and know it will sink in and Yahweh is allowing me to grow. He has patience with me that I am not giving to my children... thats the worst part. 

on another note:

I'm reading Connected Parenting, its okay, I'd not recommend it though really, I like her ideas on mirroring and what that looks like, but she moves on to after mirroring if they still don't do what you tell them, give them consequences. She also says things like pretend to mirror, pretend to be present. I realize we may need to do that sometimes, but as a whole if we are faking it our kids know and it won't help. 

I read and finished 'Biblical Parenting' by Crystal Lutton. It was amazing!!!!! Please read it if you can. or go to www.AOLFF.com and read most of her ideas there. It was small, an easy read, and simply states from a Biblical perspective the things I've been learning for so long. Not really the science behind it etc, but a good general overview, esp from a Christian perspective. I liked it because it answered my questions I had about certain 'rod' scriptures. It really did answer them. I think she addresses them on the website pretty good. ( for free lol) 

I also am reading 'The Healing Parent' slowly, its heavy with science but MAN its good. I love the science part, or else to me it feels lacking, however, now that I have a lot of the science in my head I can read other books and it makes more sense and connections. 

Reading "Dibbs in Search of Self" a story of a little boy who was considered mentally retarded and how he was 'healed' through play therapy. 

Reading a couple really good books on the power of positive thinking, positive affirmations, and waiting on one to come in the mail that combines these things with Scripture. I hope to post about that when I get them. I'm expecting to be pretty excited! 

I got 'Touching' too, about the power of touch for children/ humans, the science and the reality too... 

Thank you Dad!!

I am loving the fashion one too hehe.. he gives ideas for colors and combos I'd not have thought of, and what with my new self, who eats well, exercises, and is trying to remain/ become positive I am enjoying dressing nicely too I love thrift stores!! hehe

okay off to read. 

New one again

Due to some technical and personal reasons, I have moved away from Xanga. I will begin here. It will take a bit to learn blogspot instead of xanga, I was with xanga for 4 years! Sadly most of that is all gone. 

Today I took the children to the park, enjoying warm weather in the shade of a tiny desert tree. I watched the children playing and it was nice. I read like 2 whole pages of a book too! 

Okay, its a lame post but I gotta run, and gotta start somewhere!

Kellie